In difficult situations do you find it challenging to know what’s best for yourself?
Are you aware of the layers of information you are receiving beyond just tangible aspects?
On the surface things may appear one way, but your body is communicating something very different to you.
If you are aware of this disconnect do you acknowledge it as something or pass it off as nothing?
Anxiety, Thinking, Feeling, and Intuition are all pieces of your greater decision making self and can cause confusion if you don’t take the time to acknowledge each of their roles and accept the complexity.
Here’s an example:
You arrive at a job interview, for which you seem to be a great fit on paper, but when you get there you find the door is locked and there is no message on your phone concerning a cancellation. You wait a few minutes and finally someone opens the door, but has no idea about the interview. After some fussing, you are connected with the right person. Thirty minutes later you are invited into the interview and offered a seat. Without a chance to introduce yourself, the interview begins. After an hour of questions, you felt comfortable and competent about answering, the salary is confirmed and even higher than you were expecting. You are told you will hear back in about a week. You leave with a mix of feelings.
During the week you feel unsettled, anxious, and have a hard time sleeping. You keep trying to tell yourself it’s normal to feel this way during the job search process--so much uncertainty! When you hear from them a week later you are offered the job and have 24 hours to accept the offer. You still feel anxious.
Let’s take a closer look at all the layers that may arise:
Anxiety: What is it telling you?
“Why is it so hard for me to make decisions?”
“This uncertainty is killing me.”
“If I make the wrong choice it will be really hard to correct it.”
Thinking: What is it telling you?
“I need to make a decision soon.”
“The salary sounds really good.”
“I am not so financially destitute that I need to make a decision based on only money.”
Feeling: What is it telling you?
“I feel tired.”
“My tummy feels unsettled.”
“I didn’t feel seen or valued at the interview.”
Intuition: What is it telling you?
“This doesn’t feel right for some reason.”
“I really value being seen.”
“Overall I don’t feel confident this is a good fit.”
Do you have a sense of how to honor all these parts and move forward with a decision?
“I am going to respectfully decline the offer and continue my job search. I know I am highly sensitive and the information I pick up on during the interview process is important even if I don’t know exactly why. I will keep looking for the right fit, particularly where I feel valued. I recognize the salary is not the most important part. I am disappointed this one didn’t fit well, but relieved to move on. I recognize the anxiety talk is just one piece of the whole and sometimes distracts me from listening to the bigger picture. I also recognize the job search process is taxing so I will continue focusing on self-care during this process.”
Decision making can be an exhausting experience, but can be made easier if you stay with yourself and recognize most decisions in life are not final. Perhaps it takes some pressure off to label your decision as the “current choice” rather than the “right choice”. You always have the opportunity to choose again, adjust course, follow another curiousity or jump ship. Sometimes we apply an inappropriate sense of finality to situations. What’s most important is recognizing when something is truly not working for you, checking in with Anxiety, Thinking, Feeling, and Intuition to guide your next inspired action.
Yours In Health,