About a month ago my son was sick with very swollen glands and some confusing symptoms that ultimately led to a weeks stay in the hospital. He is fine now and as I've had more time to reflect on the experience, particularly about a weird sense of calm I had throughout the ordeal. Was it stressful? YES. Was it exhausting? YES. Were there a lot of unknowns? YES. So why did I feel calmer than I often do in my day to day life?
This is what I've come up with...
1. It had a sense of clarity about it, a single purpose of getting well supported by the environmental feedback.
2. My expectations of myself were lowered from clean the house, get the groceries, work on business, blah blah blah, to just take care of self and son.
3. I did a very good job of focusing on basic self-care such as water instead of coffee, salad instead of pastry, yoga instead of obsessive thoughts.
4. There was a newness to the experience that appealed to the part of me that is curious.
5. I enjoyed interacting with the hospital staff. Generally speaking they were kind, intelligent, and very concerned.
6. My tiny family is good at team work when we have a clear focal point.
7. Massive anxiety I have had about a sick child in the hospital is now dissipated because I have lived through this experience.
I guess my point is this, we label experiences as either good or bad, but most of the time our feelings are more complex, even if we are unaware of it at the time.
Can you hold space for all the parts of you? Even if they conflict?