I've just published my first article in BRAINZ Magazine, A Simple Guide to Workplace Wellness.

A bit ago I had an interesting conversation about giving names to the many characters that make up one's mental chatter. I have a particularly unpleasant one I refer to as "The Mean B*tch". She is downright nasty and unpleasant and she shows up when I am already feeling defeated. All of her unhelpful perspective is directed inward. She's a combination of unpleasant emotions. Maybe you have an envy character that shows up when you spend too much time comparing yourself to others and then make unrealistic expectations of yourself by projecting yourself into their circumstances. There could be the failure character that takes every challenge as a failure and creates a dramatic story about how you can never succeed. Or what about the procrastination character that creates stress surrounding your lack of initiative. There are likely seeds of accuracy, but the tone is not helpful and leads to more procrastination. Then there's the anxiety character that says you suck at coping and you'll never be able to do anything calmly again. The depression character says why try, nothing I do makes a real difference for myself or others. You probably have a cocktail of your own characters. It could be helpful to notice the stories they create and that most likely they are broken records. Name them. Call them out. Listen to the underlying message. Find the nuggets of truth and then rework the story. The characters of not likely to go away entirely, but you will have more awareness of them and more success at not identifying 100% with them.

Happy day to you:) So often we make to-do lists and focus on what we perceive we need to get done with little regard for how to go about doing it. So, I thought it might be fun to share with you some ideas for how to bring more attention to the way in which you proceed. Focus on process rather than outcome Have fun transitioning between tasks Look for complementary rather than competitive tasks Focus on the present moment experience Allow each task to be a micro-universe to create variety Rework resistant thoughts until they feel better Go general when there's resistance Get specific when in the flow Focus on relationships Inject short, regular focused energy Connect to a greater purpose before proceeding If you try three times and it's not coming together, take a break Remember, pleasant effort is the goal when working your way through your to-do list.

Good day to you my friend. I hope all is well in your world. I thought it might be nice to take a deeper look at a few versions of self and how we can get the two to work together to create wiser decisions. Let's look at an example of waking, generally feeling unwell, burned-out, depressed, anxious, or overwhelmed. You likely have commitments for the day in any form that is your present reality. What might these different selves be saying? Logical Self "If I don't push through this, tomorrow is only going to be worse." "Someone needs to get things done." "If I just keep showing up and doing the tasks this feeling should go away." "People are relying on me." "I am running out of sick leave." "I just need to set my feelings aside and deal with the task." Emotional Self "I can't face the day so I will just stay in bed." "I never function at a level I feel good about." "If I felt better, everything would be easier." "I'm a hot mess." "Why should I bother, I'm just going to underperform." "Why does this always happen to me?" Wise Self "I can start with rescheduling a few items, then reassess." "I can set the timer on my phone and rest for 30 minutes then reassess." "I will shower, eat something small and if I still feel the same, start my day later with the option to reassess." "I can stay curious about why I feel this way if it's reoccurring." "I can own my unpleasant feelings and still go about my day." "I can do one tiny thing to make this moment more pleasant." Final Thoughts I find the Wise Self to be a nice blend of the two. The Logical and Emotional Self I find are more black and white. If you tend to ignore either the logical or emotional, chances are they show up with a vengeance at some point.

What if you do everything "right"...you've filled your well-being cup, you've had honest conversations, you've readied yourself for the next steps, you've taken inspired action and you still feel frustrated, angry, depressed, anxious? At first, you may feel like shouting, "What The F"?! Upon further examination though, you may realize that you are attaching your emotional state to outcomes and circumstances. The problem is these outcomes and circumstances likely involve other people, which inherently places them in the "can't control" zone. Usually, when we try to control or even just find ourselves inside of someone else's story we are left feeling powerless and this toxicity lies in the relationships and communication realm. Here are 10 questions you can ask yourself that may help if you find yourself here. 1. Generally, does this relationship enhance my life? 2. What outcome am I seeking? 3. Am I being honest with myself about what outcome I am seeking? 4. Am I communicating honestly and clearly and listening deeply? 5. If I have made a few attempts at honest communication and it has not been either well-delivered or well-received, what have I learned and how would I like to go forward? 6. What are the signs that I need to stop attempting communication? 7. What are the signs that I need to distance myself from this relationship or person? 8. When will I know if it's wise to revisit the relationship if ever? 9. How will I know if I have truly detached from the toxic aspects of the relationship? 10. How can I redirect my focus and attention? Hope this helps if you are dealing with a messy, "What The F?" kind of situation.

Last week I mentioned the need to attend to a variety of nourishing activities rather than spending too much unpleasant effort in one area. This also relates to a conversation a client and I recently had about the importance of how you show up for life. She used the analogy of a cup. If you show up to X, Y, or Z and your cup is empty, then it has the possibility of being filled with whatever substance is present, or most likely a weird, unpleasant cocktail consisting of emotions and energies that don't belong to you. If you show up and your cup is full because you had some mindful movement, a healthy snack, and proper sleep you are far less likely to take on what is not yours. Even if your cup is partially full, the other bits will be more diluted. It's even more problematic if you show up with an empty cup and have unrealistic expectations that the environment satisfies your needs. It would be lovely if all our responsibilities were cup filling, but it's not likely all the time. The reality is that in some situations we simply need to navigate our way through without giving away our energy or personal power which requires being deeply present and staying in the role of observer. Observer of our sensations, feelings, and thoughts in particular. It's challenging to be the observer when your cup is empty and you are desperate for it to be filled. The next time you walk into a setting ask yourself... 1. How full is my cup? 2. What am I expecting from this environment? 3. Do I need to be more generous or conservative with my energy? 4. How do I feel when I leave, better or worse? Remember, it's possible you show up and you, yes YOU, are the most grounded, connected, resilient point of orientation in the room if you have taken the time to do a few simple things to fill your cup first.

I prefer the term painful to negative because I feel negative sets up those black and white categories once again. Painful on the other hand is simply an accurate description of the sensations they create in both body and mind. Yes, emotions certainly affect our physical body and if you have persistent, chronic pain that is not responsive to traditional treatment approaches, it may be wise to consider the pain from a different perspective such as your spiritual, social, or emotional health. You are not crazy, the perception of your pain is very real. It just may take a creative angle to get to the core of it, especially if it didn't arise from a specific acute injury. Let's look at a few painful emotions and how they might manifest in your physical body and what they might be trying to communicate to you, and then simply ask yourself "What might help?" and stay with yourself until you feel the answer in your gut not just your head. JEALOUSY: Chronic headaches, likely from the pressure you put on yourself to obtain what you perceive you are lacking and others have. What might help? FRUSTRATION: A sore shoulder that feels stuck, likely from trying to move in directions that are forced, and doesn't respect the natural flow of what is now. What might help? GRIEF: A deep ache in your chest, likely the unoccupied space that used to be filled by something or someone no longer present in a concrete, logical sense. What might help? Emotions do not operate independently so it's more common to have a cocktail of feelings at any given moment, sometimes very conflicting. The trick is to be able to recognize and hold space for each part of your emotional landscape, for example, "I'm disappointed and hopeful". As humans, there is typically so much going on behind the scenes with each of us that is rarely fully communicated to others or even ourselves for that matter. If you can be even 5% more mindful you may find simple awareness serves as a tonic.

Recently I had an article published in VERVE Magazine, do check it out. I talk about intentionality, shifts in the industry, challenges we face, and how I look after myself.

Weekly greetings to you my valuable community member. January is already drawing to a close soon and I hope you are not feeling disappointed by arbitrary new year's resolutions that you "made" and did not keep. So much of this disappointment and inaction comes from approaching change and habits from a black and white, all or nothing paradigm. Recently I was interviewed for an article in a New Zealand-based Health and Wellness magazine (I'll share that in the next few weeks when it's live) and one of the questions I was asked was: "What do you mean by Be Intentional but Flexible?" Here's a sneak peek at my thoughts... "I believe most successful things in life, including nurturing our health, happen in shades of grey rather than black and white. The black and white paradigm is aligned with an all-or-nothing approach, which is really harmful when attempting behavior change for the purpose of creating healthier habits. Whereas, the shades of grey paradigm is aligned with both intentionality and flexibility. Intentionality is grounded in the things we can control such as planning, organizing, directing our attention, taking action, etc. The flexibility allows for what we can’t control and provides a way for us to feel successful rather than defeated when we honor necessary adjustments. For example, perhaps you had a goal to get more physical activity this past year. Maybe you even had a very specific action plan that you were initially able to execute to the point of it becoming a habit. All of this required a great deal of intentionality. You then became ill which affected your energy, you got behind at work, and you simply could not keep up the original plan. In black and white mode, you get frustrated and feel like a failure, in shades of grey mode you recognize it as an opportunity to respect what’s actually going on and be flexible. You recognize that rest needs prioritization on the physical activity continuum for now and then because you are present with your reality, you also recognize when your energy shifts and you need a little bit of movement, until you are eventually able to resume your regular exercise routine. If you continue to stay present, at some point you will notice your routine becomes mundane and you will need to be both intentional and flexible again. This is likely the case for most areas of your life, there’s a meandering, an ebb, and flow, but what’s most important is to notice when you get away from yourself and gently find your way back." Try and take this approach on board and see if you have more success creating habits that serve you. I will look forward to sharing the full article with you in the coming weeks. In the meantime, take care.

How are you this week my friend? Take a moment and really check-in. Be honest with yourself. It's hard to move forward from a place lacking integrity. When I have a hard time pinning down how I'm actually doing, I find a particular journaling exercise helpful. EXTERNAL What's the circumstance? INTERNAL What am I feeling? What am I thinking? ANCHOR Find a genuine anchor thought/reminder. ACTION Identify the ONE most helpful action to take. Here's a simple example, of course, it can get much juicier... EXTERNAL Shea and Atticus are home today. I have work to do. There are incomplete tasks around the house. INTERNAL I am feeling unfocused. I am thinking I never feel well. My shoulder hurts. I didn't sleep well last night. ANCHOR I can communicate to make a plan. ACTION Talk to Shea about how to manage the day. There will likely be generalizations, assumptions, and inaccuracies that appear but hopefully, when you find an anchor it helps bring more clarity. I hope this helps if you are feeling foggy. I hope the coming week is one of connection and kindness and that some of this connection and kindness is directed at yourself. Take one calm breath with me deep into your center. Inhale slowly through your nose for 1 2 Hold calmly 1 2 Exhale slowly through your nose for 1 2 3 4 Feel connected to yourself, our community, and everyone else you value. I value you.

Do you find it difficult to make decisions? It could be either daily decisions like what to wear or eat or much larger decisions about what to do with life savings or whether or not you should move house. Do you spend a lot of mental energy stuck in the middle, deferring the decision? Maybe you make the decision, but you don't align your energy and your actions with the decision and so the feedback that you are creating for yourself is that you have made the "wrong" decision or you feel regret which undermines self-trust and confidence. What might it look like if you made a values-based decision and lined up with it in each area of your well-being? You would likely have some self-supporting habits going on. Why do we like habits? They are much easier to sustain and lead to much better results than one-off occurrences, they reduce decision fatigue, and they create helpful feedback loops. I've filled in the first bullet with something I value, have decided, and aligned my actions with. Yes, these are my habits. Can you fill in the other bullet points and identify if it's a desire, a decision, or a habit? Rest, Movement, Exercise 10 minutes minimum of daily movement Nutrition & Nourishment Daily dark green salad Physical Environment Only owning what I love and use Personal & Professional Development Engaging in one professional learning experience at a time Relationships and Communication Sending a thoughtful weekly email Stress Management Prioritizing, then taking things a day at a time Spirituality 10 minutes minimum/day in nature

This time of year brings attention to concepts such as growth, change, and goal setting. Let's look a little closer at each of these. GROWTH One traditional notion regarding growth is that you are either growing or you are stagnant. A few alternative ideas could be you are simply being, you are thriving in some areas and challenged in others, or you are content with what is and don't feel a need to produce or perform. CHANGE One traditional notion regarding change is that it's difficult. A few alternative ideas could be change is most difficult just prior and then gets better, it's neither better nor worse, just different, or that choosing not to change something may still be a conscious decision. GOAL SETTING One traditional notion regarding goal setting is that you must set SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Action-Based, Realistic, and Time-Bound). A few alternative ideas could be to set an intention and see what unfolds, implement a small habit rather than set a goal, or allocate a regularly occurring time to "play" with an idea. If you are feeling trapped or stuck by a traditional approach to something, try experimenting with how you could approach it differently to create more ease for yourself while staying connected to what you value. There are certain things we each need to accomplish on a regular basis, even to just maintain stasis, but there can be so much creativity, questioning, and mindfulness regarding how we go about doing it.

Recently, I had a fantastic conversation with one of my clients about how to respond to the question "How are you?" without either saying "Fine, thanks." or launching into a soul to soul with someone you don't have an intimate connection with. Generally speaking, our conversation was surrounding honesty and boundaries and how to genuinely respond to this social nicety when quite frankly you feel like sh*t. The problem with saying "Fine, thanks." if it's not genuine is that it does not provide an accurate emotional backdrop, which is important if you are going to be working alongside this person for more than a few minutes, and you both have the right to start from a place of integrity. The problem with disclosing too much is that it may not be appropriate based on the context of the relationship and it robs focus from whatever the intended conversation is about. To clarify, I'm not talking about a heartfelt conversation with someone you want to share meaningful and honest feelings with, but rather a co-worker, client, acquaintance, family member, or any other well-meaning but less than intimate connection. The conclusion we came to includes a three-part response that acknowledges they asked, clues them into your emotional state, and then redirects the conversation. An example may sound like this... "Thank you for asking. I have had a challenging year. I am grateful to be focusing on ... with you." Give it a try the next time you have a chance and see if it sets a more genuine tone for the interaction, neither leaving you feeling like a liar or emotionally exposed.